Worried about the holidays? You’re not alone. Yes, the festivities and feasts, family outings and friendly get-togethers are great, but as any adult can tell you, the holidays aren’t always easy. Financial pressure, family stress, and enduring that one overzealous staff member at the company Christmas party can become a little too much to take. So, in the spirit of giving, I bring you the Holiday Survival Guide! This guide will give you quick pointers on how to navigate the tricker parts of the holiday season, no matter how you choose to celebrate.
1. Manage your gas tank:
We think everyone expects us to do everything during the holidays. Religious ceremonies, family gatherings and work events all pull us in a bunch of different directions. And while this is all fine and good, it’s important to remember that us humans have a limited energy bandwidth. If you get too low on energy, then you will burn out and run out of gas to do the things you enjoy. It’s important to say ‘no thanks’ to a holiday invite if you’re not feeling it. If you put your own energy first, then you’ll have the freedom to be present with your loved ones for the events that really matter. And don't forget to check your own perceptions. Maybe some of those expectations are more yours than anyone else’s.
2. Set conversational boundaries:
While its true that the holidays have a more family-focus, not all family members are easy to be around. So what do you do when you find yourself in an uncomfortable conversation? The answer: don’t argue, just directly or indirectly change the subject. The indirect method is to acknowledge their statement with a neutral “Hmmm, interesting” and then ask about something totally different. i.e. “Hey, do you think it will snow on Christmas this year?” The more direct method is to politely acknowledge that you don’t want to talk about that particular subject. “Hey Grandma, I can see you’re passionate about XYZ. I don’t want to talk about that subject right now though. Do you think we can chat about something else?”. And if all else fails, simply use the age-old classic: smile and nod.
3. Create an oasis
No matter how good your self-regulation skills are, some family events are going to be more hectic than you can easily manage. One quick strategy you can use is to create a temporary zone-of-peace which I call an ‘oasis’. All you need to do is excuse yourself for 5-10 minutes from the event and focus on chilling out and restoring yourself mentally. Sit in your car and listen to your favourite song. Hang out in the bathroom and scroll Instagram. Step outside and do some deep breathing for 5 min if you have to. If you take a few minutes just for yourself, it can provide the energy you need to get through a family gathering while maintaining basic sanity.
4. Adjust expectations
There is an inherited expectation in Western culture that the holidays are supposed to be fun. Although this seems harmless on the surface, this belief is one of the main culprits of the holiday blues. Because, let’s face it, sometimes things go wrong: we spend too much money, our kids get sick, our expectations are not met, or travel plans are interrupted due to weather. And when it goes wrong, we believe that we’ve somehow failed. But, if we simply ditch the idea that the holidays should be fun, we are free to embrace and accept the tough aspects of this time of year. And when we don’t feel the weight of looming expectations, we are free to experience the little moments of holiday joy when they come.
Here's to your success!
Tim Garner
Walmsley EFAP